Okay I've had it.

Bad end to a rather okay day? ):

The urge is so bad...

10 minutes ago i was still angry and pissed and crying and what not with my mom,

now i am okay and feeling so damn guilty and sad and bla

my life is falling apart again when i try to pick it up ):

I need anger management sessions. & Yunwei is right.

I need to see a psychiatrist.

the only thing i can do is disappoint my dad, piss my mum off, irritate my sister, let down my friends, get someone i treasure so much to think im troublesome, screw myself up.

damnit and im crying again.

fuck life -.-

& hence i conclude life sucks ultrasuperman big balls these days. )':

someone help me plzzzzzz

I want to learn roller blading so badly... ):

On a HEAVIER note.

Ytd sucked big balls. -.-

Eeeeeeeeeeek. At least today wasn't an emo day like ytd... ):

I want Alps to end, I don't want it to end either.

Okay life sucks real bad.

Who wants the perfect guy? Not me. I don’t want anyone perfect. I don’t want anyone normal, that’s just boring. I want someone weird. I want someone unpredictable. I want someone who lets things slide and who loves to laugh and make me laugh. I want someone who will be crazy about me, and isnt afraid to let every one know it. I want him to be able to tell me to shut the hell up when I am bugging him. I want someone who challenges me, in every way. I want someone who puts up with my shit, but isn’t a push over. I want someone who pisses me off, but I can never be mad at, but perfect? That’s one thing I never want, maybe just perfect for me.

In six months i learnt how it feels like to fall sick and be like a zombie for 3 weeks because you cant accept sth, that i forgotten how to cry when im sad, i can only cry and feel hurt to know im still alive, i already lost myself to a person i dont recognise, i lost someone who taught me so much, i hurt for someone i dont even like, i can be so badly affected by someone i already dont even understand, i am a horrible person, i deserve all the bad things to befall me because i am utterly horrible person, i am selfish and hurt everyone around me, i am selfish and only care for myself, im not me, i cant find me, i suppress so much thoughts in me, i have the ability to let ppl i dun even know personally realise im sad, i cant get anything done right...

These six months felt like forever.

Do you know nothing has ever made me feel this way...?

Do you even care?

I already changed.

Already gone.

You made me learn that I dont want sweet nothings.

I need none of that.

I need a release badly.

Im fucking suicidal.

& it's November alr. How NICE.

You do the things he used to do,
you eat the food he used to eat,
you drink the drinks he used to drink,
you adapted all his little habits.
Just to imagine he's still there.

credits to Zd ):

Today i made my mum cry again.

I keep crying nowadays...

How.

I dont want to be so dead.

Deborah says im semi depressed.

I feel dead.

Cant someone help me...

I cant get anything done correctly...

I will accept all the blame you put on me.

As long as you are happy.

Im fine with anything.

Im not lying.

Im fine.

Im super happy.

Im strong just like you told me i was.

I can pick myself out of the mess i got into.

So, here's to ME.

Fuck you.